Why I Left

I'm not entirely sure if anyone will see this; I can only assume that this blog will still appear in the PTC RSS feed, though Ross is well within his rights to block it. But I'm sitting here in need of a break from coding the new GCW website, and I felt now might be a good time to elaborate on why I departed from PTC a few weeks ago.

For anyone hoping to read some big flame-fest or angry tirade, you're going to be disappointed. I was never really angry, and my departure was not due to any real strife. It was simply a personal matter. And because it's a personal matter, and because I still have a great deal of respect for the people involved, I'll be judicious in what I reveal and what I do not. I'll leave it to you to read between the lines to gather any information I don't offer you here. But there was some confusion with regards to my departure, and so I guess this is not only my way of offering my side of the story, but also of alleviating any fears anyone might have that there's something insidious going on at PTC.

To put it mildly, I've always been a pretty ambitious person. This is compounded by the fact that I consider myself to be a natural leader; I simply feel more comfortable at the front of the crowd leading the way. That's why I'm a fedhead, that's why I haven't handled in an actual fed since OSF in 2002. I like working with people, I like hearing their ideas and I like being the one people come to for guidance. So when it comes to my role in the community known as PTC, ever since I first came to the interfed back in 2001 or so, I've always wanted to be part of the leadership.

Anyone that read this blog while it was still active knows that I was pushing to rekindle the spark of interfed spirit in PTC, and I put a lot of energy into that campaign. I did a couple PTC Radio shows that I thought were great successes, and had plans to run a tournament this summer. Perhaps some of that was too ambitious, but that's simply the way I am. I can't do something halfway; if I'm going to spearhead an effort, I'm going to do what I can to make it the best and biggest it can possibly be. That's how I run my fed, and that's how I wanted to run PTC.

Now comes for the delicate part, and the reason for my leaving the community. I had been part of PTC for many years, and had even been co-President of the community for a time back in the Ron days. It's a little-remembered part of PTC history, back when WO started and tried to steal PTC's thunder (and largely succeeded), but the fact remains that I've done pretty much everything in this game. Hell, during the PTC-Fedwars blowup (back when Fedwars was moderately relevant), I was a moderator on both forums, and even moderated a few direct meetings between Ron and... whoever it was that ran Fedwars. I like to think that I've carved out a reputation as someone who is fair, honest and trustworthy. I can completely understand how some people would have reservations about my impartiality given the zeal with which I promote GCW. But when it comes down to it, I'm concerned for the health of this game; if I can help the game, that will help GCW in the end.

In the last year especially, PTC has experienced the loss of some of its key leadership figures. First RJ lost his job as an admin (a decision I'm certainly not condemning, but the fact remains that he's gone). Then Pete left. And it wasn't just PTC admins; the feds began losing their fedheads. Sebs is gone. It's become a fairly common trend among PTC feds to change leadership fairly often, and the job moves from handler to handler. Now, I"m certainly not trying to slight some of the handlers who have made sacrifices in both stature and time to help out their feds, because I think that's an incredibly honorable thing to do. I've certainly had moments where GCW's become too much for me and I've had to pass the responsibility off. But the fact remains that, in terms of real leadership experience in this game, there isn't much left. The only admin left is Ross, and the only long-tenured fedhead left is me.


Unfortunately, my estimation of my role in the community was not shared by Ross. Now, I'm certainly not pinning all of this on him; I think this is mostly the result of a series of differences of opinion. Ross has certain ideas for how PTC should operate, and mine did not always align with his vision. I completely respect Ross's right to run his community the way he sees fit, and he continues to do a great job with it. The level of respect he commands is the most valuable currency any leader could hope to have, and it's what makes him an effective leader even at a time when his own involvement in the game is waning.

The primary obstacle that arose, I believe, came out of my desire to take on a greater role as community leader. I believed that PTC needed someone that was directly involved in the game in order to create new interfed activity. Ross might have agreed with this, but he insisted that this leader, whoever he or she may have been, be unaffiliated with any of the PTC feds. My position as GCW fedhead, he (fairly) reasoned, would make it a challenge for me to run interfed events.

There's much more to the story, but it's largely irrelevant. It will suffice to say that we both held firm in our convictions, and it led to a bit of an impasse. It came to the point that I no longer agreed with the direction PTC was heading, primarily because I was not going to be part of the leadership. In a sense, I felt that my years of service to the community and the game gave me a skill set that is unique to the community today, and that those skills were best spent helping to lead a new era in PTC. Due to my all-or-nothing nature, I simply didn't feel I could sit around and watch.

Again, I'm not trying to condemn Ross here. I still think he's a great guy and a great leader, and PTC will continue to do just fine under his leadership. He and I are still communicating regularly and working together on the new GCW website, so it's not like there's some angry rift forming. But, to be completely honest, I felt like my experience was being discounted, and therefore I decided that my time was best dedicated towards my fed, which I could direct as I saw fit. Now, there is much, much more to the story, including the demise of the Unified Title division (which my actions no doubt played a role in), that led to the impasse I referred to earlier. I completely understand why Ross made the decision he did. I do not agree with it, but it was his decision to make. Unfortunately, I felt at that point that I should have been the one making the decision, and without the ability to affect positive change on the community, I no longer felt like I had a place in PTC. If I cannot be of service to the community, I have no purpose there. So I retired to GCW, where my purpose is clear.

This is, to me, a completely acceptable compromise. I am having the best run I've ever had with GCW at the moment; things have never been better. I'm trilled to be putting all my effort into it, and to be able to focus on my home completely. I've spent some time looking back at GCW history rather than forward at PTC's future, and it's been very rewarding. But I thought now, with some spare time, I might muse about PTC for a moment.

The lack of leadership is no doubt a problem. Probably PTC's biggest problem. But effective leadership is only half of the equation; a leader can set the world on fire with great ideas, but if the population doesn't rise up to impliment the ideas, they're worthless. And, while the energy in the individual feds seems to be relatively high, the interfed activity simply isn't keeping pace. People still talk with dreamy nostalgia about the good old days and how they should come back, but nothing much has come of it. I have a few theories as to why this is, and what can be done to fix it. If you're not really interested in my ideas and were just here for my explanation, you may stop reading at this point.

In essence, I think the spin on the leadership problem has been all wrong. Ross has made repeated calls for people to step up and take charge, and there have been numerous instances of people answering that call. But the fact is, the community doesn't need all that many leaders. After all, there aren't that many people to be led any more. You only need a couple strong, experiences people at the top to steer the ship. And that's the problem; you've got dozens of people standing up and saying "I'll run a tournament" or "I'll run this division" or "I'll help out with anything," and yet so few people standing up and simply saying "I'll provide the content." What the community needs to be successful is not people to run tournaments, but people to participate in them. Not division heads, but competitors. Not people willing to do whatever odd-job is offered to them, but instead to simply show up when an event is on.

The correlation here is my theory that there are too many feds. I've backed off that notion a bit lately as it seems the newer feds springing up are in good health and have sizeable rosters. But I still think there are too many people pondering new fed concepts rather than new character concepts. I know it's tempting to want to run your own fed, but given the state of the game, we should be consolidating, not spreading out. If you're an idea person that wants to run a fed, join a fed and take that energy to the roster instead. The game will benefit much more from the benefit you give to the fed than from any new entity you could create.

I'm certainly not trying to stomp on anyone else's ambitions, especially after explaining how high my own always have been. But during the last month or so, when my only e-fedding interest has been GCW, I've looked at the incredible strides we've made and determined that this is where the revoution should begin. The "big three" PTC feds of the past year (GCW, PRIME and SCCW) are all solid feds, but at no time have all three been stable at the same time. For a while in 2005 GCW was the toast of the town; then PRIME rose again. Then FUSE showed up and stole all the thunder. Then PRIME again. Then PRIME began switching fedheads often, and GCW began to rise again.

Look back to those good old days and you'll find that PTC was most successful when it was rooted in successful feds. The community was such a roaring success because it had PCW, OSW, FSW, PURE, PWC, RUSH, NTICW and a myriad of other feds (like GCW) backing them up--all of which were not just stable, but flourishing. At no time in PTC's recent history has it had more than two feds in a simultaneous upswing. We've tried to spark interfed activity during this time, but nothing has taken hold, probably because the foundation for such activity simply wasn't there.

So, even though I'm not participating in PTC any more, I'm still doing what I can to help out by giving it a great, high-caliber fed as one of its cornerstones. I'd encourage everyone over at PTC to start thinking about the community in these terms as well. I'm not suggesting anyone else abandon the forums like I have, but simply to ponder your priorities. I know there's a lot to love about interfed activity, and I hope it can come back some day, too. But until GCW, PRIME, SCCW, and now some of the other feds that are popping up, are all riding high, it'll be virtually impossible to achieve some of those goals. I still think that, with the right leadership, PTC as presently constituted could offer a fun array of activities and competitions to keep people interested. But the good old days aren't coming back until the feds are blossoming, and at the moment that isn't happening.

So my message? Don't ask what you can to to help PTC. Ask what you can to do help a fed, because in doing so you'll help PTC. Don't open a new fed, there are enough of those. Don't try to come up with the next great interfed gimmick. Take that energy, that creativity and those ideas, to one of the feds. It's a smaller stage, yes, and you'll get less glory for it. But, while the game needs leaders, it needs contributors as well. GCW's filled with people who lead on a daily basis; people who step up and put forth that same energy every day into their fed, and the fed has benefitted immensely from it.

For an interfed event to really succeed, it needs to be populated with great, established stars representing great, competitive feds. The basis for this is in place; this remains an incredibly talented community with great history. But I think the call for leadership, the call for bright new ideas, needs to come from within the feds, not from PTC.

It takes something really special to lead a place like PTC; that's why Ross has done it so long, and why nobody else has been able to take his place. And that's why I feel Ross's expectation that someone do his job like he does is unfair. Nobody can do it like him, so it's a standard that will never be met. Me? I can't do it like Ross does, but I felt I could do it my way, which would be pretty damn close. But there aren't many that can do that job. For the moment, though, there are a ton of people wanting to help. I'd urge those people to find themselves a home and put more energy into it. There's a lot of people who handle in multiple feds, and that's fine, but I'd encourage people to do more with less. Focus on one or two goals and really make them great. We're never going to make this game work through quantity any more. If this game is going to flourish again, it will come through the quality of our work. So if I have any parting advice for you, PTC, it's this: just be. Don't worry about answering the call to lead, because that's not what the community needs. It needs handlers. It needs people dedicated to their craft and dedicated to their fed.

The better you make your fed, and the more loyal to it you become, the more interesting the conflict between those feds will be. And that's how you make a great interfed.

I miss you all. If you need me, you know where to find me.